I can do this!!!

So far this semester I have gotten an A+, A, and an A-! Going from a high grade, to a just passing, to this, I'm so proud of myself!
I recently started putting stickers on my calendar to associate with different things I forget/find hard. On it I have:
- Medication
- Showering
- Brushing my teeth
- Doing at least 5000 steps
- Eating under 2000calories
- Drinking 2litres of water

So far today I have the first sticker :/ I have eaten under 2000cal today, assuming I don't binge before bed (I wont!! I refuse!!!!), and my steps aren't that high at the moment because I didn't notice my fitbit died while I was asleep last night, so only put it on at 3.30pm haha....
I have an assignment due in a week and a half, and sooo much study to do for that! But, I'm going to get another A! I can do this!

When I get down

Sometimes I get down over things that others don't see as being a major. Everyone who knows me, knows I struggle with money. I always have. I can never seem to stick to a budget; I can never seem to save, and I just dig myself into a deeper and deeper hole.
I spend irrationally, I buy things I don't need, I smoke, I put myself in this situation. Since I know that I put myself here, it is one of the hardest times to ask for help. When I know in my head and heart that it is all my fault, and someone offers help, I can't bring myself to accept that help.
This all being said, when I get down over a situation I have put myself in to, I often need to be left alone.

How to deal with me when I'm down:
a) Make me have a nap, this solves things 60% of the time
b) Did I eat recently? This effects my mood a lot
c) Am I safe from myself? (If no, skip this step) I will tell you if this is not the case. If I am safe, let me shut myself in my room. This works especially well for problems I can solve on my own, such as money issues or study issues. Anything I can plan, I can solve on my own. I may cry, I may say things I don't mean, but I am learning how to cope when I feel like this.
d) Take me out of the house. To your house, for a walk around the block, to the shop, wherever. I am like a dog and need to leave the house frequently.
e) If none of the above works, or I am not safe, stay with me. Watch a show with me, tell me a dumb story about your day, or something else totally unrelated to what I am dealing with (99% of the time I will tell you what I'm upset about). If you are unable to stay with me due to life commitments (I understand, not everyone can be free when I need them, and that's okay! I love you still), please find someone else who can. Often my self harm actions are impulsive, I can feel unsafe but able to cope, but the next minute I have lost control of myself.

When I'm starting to seem (and feel) better:
I'm very embarrassed. My behaviour when I'm down is not representative of who I am, please always remember this. I am working hard to improve my skills so that I feel this way less frequently, for myself, and others. Often I will spend a lot of time by myself, still seeming "down", avoiding eye contact, not saying much, or seeming like I ignore you. I'm just embarrassed. It's not easy to apologise for my moods.

Things to remember when I'm down:
a) I love you.
b) You being there for me means the world, my friends are angels I do not deserve in this life.
c) This isn't me.

I'm home!~

Trying to get my life back on track after a few hiccups.
One thing I have decided to do, is to start blogging again. I had a pretty active blog in 2010/2011, but got so caught up with uni that I stopped writing. I found that this blog helped me to express my thoughts and feelings in a easy way. The support I received was enormous, and I thank all of you who read then, and who have come here to read now.
To start off, there are a few things I have decided to blog about, which I will expand on later:

• Study stuff. I often get over enthusiastic about a topic when I am studying it, and I fall in love with the topic and just love to talk about it. So I would like to write some blog posts about the things I learn. I would also like to write about study skills, planning, and organisation techniques, since I love planning and organisation.
• Health stuff. I have a few health issues, mainly depression and anxiety, that I will be discussing here. I am on a journey of recovery and will be starting here, from the beginning, cataloging my journey. I have had depression for 10 years now, and have come a long way in those 10 years. I will write about where I was in comparison to where I am, coping techniques I personally find useful, and just share my story in general.
• Weight loss. This is something so many of us want to do, and so few of us accomplish. I will be doing some further research on this topic and interpret into my own life. Basically, I want to do "experiments" on myself with some of the advice given.
• Possibly a few fashion posts, maybe the odd OOTD, or shopping posts.

Pretty much the gist of it, here we go~!
Love,
Anna xoxo